Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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