this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
