glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
