Someone shit on the floor
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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