Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
