You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
