I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
