When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
