remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
