how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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