The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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