Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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