This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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