hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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