Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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