i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
