He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As shirtless as possible
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
