Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
