I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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