I wish my penis had an off switch
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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