Welp...herpes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
