I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
