haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
