I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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