Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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