two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
