Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
