I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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