I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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