ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont even know how to be here
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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