You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
