Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
