Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize