I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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