My boss' voice literally gives me gas
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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