they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
