There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
