in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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