overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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