im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
