U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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