Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
