paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
