My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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