is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
