i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
