right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
