Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
