i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
