she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
