Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish you could order shots online.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
