So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?