the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.