Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

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(314): 10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza http://tfl.nu/0z5o

Replies (35) Good night (7312) Bad night (662)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.

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(304): i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers. http://tfl.nu/rz0s

Replies (21) Good night (4244) Bad night (1079)
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(571): View more from Virginia

i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

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(571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx

Replies (30) Good night (2148) Bad night (3780)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you

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(505): i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you http://tfl.nu/pwks

Replies (11) Good night (5567) Bad night (1456)
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(850): View more from Florida

the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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(850): the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people http://tfl.nu/zcj8

Replies (3) Good night (1588) Bad night (765)
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(818): View more from California

I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

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(818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8

Replies (6) Good night (5802) Bad night (716)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

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(978): He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo http://tfl.nu/892m

Replies (17) Good night (2683) Bad night (4170)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?

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(404): It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar? http://tfl.nu/lonp

Replies (6) Good night (1391) Bad night (695)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.

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(504): I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit. http://tfl.nu/0gcq

Replies (21) Good night (861) Bad night (1327)
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(812): View more from Indiana

After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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(812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o

Replies (9) Good night (1385) Bad night (602)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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(617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t

Replies (7) Good night (1911) Bad night (573)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

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(205): Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation. http://tfl.nu/ln89

Replies (3) Good night (1412) Bad night (926)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.

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(780): I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/qn6g

Replies (27) Good night (456) Bad night (3460)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad

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(302): Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad http://tfl.nu/cr01

Replies (6) Good night (1774) Bad night (365)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.

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(218): last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat. http://tfl.nu/thb6

Replies (0) Good night (168) Bad night (137)

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