i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.