Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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