i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.