if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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