There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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