The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
