I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
