Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
BRING THE BAGELS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
