Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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