I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
