i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
