A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
