I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
