I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
