Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
