I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
