i love accidental penises.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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