hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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