He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
