Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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