HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
