i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
