HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry my hands just texted you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
