i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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