thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
third nipple confirmed
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
