the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
