Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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