how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
