the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
