i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
