I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
