i love accidental penises.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
