Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
