If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
