he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize