I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
