I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
